Why You Should Be On No Fap

One of the worst feelings that millions of young boys and men experience; is post-nut clarity.

I can recall, multiple times, doing the deed, immediately like a switch inside my head, all that built-up pleasure disappeared and then replaced with guilt, regret and disgust.

The most common negative thought I got was,

“What the hell am I doing?”

The very thing I lusted over: now disgusted me. I was revolted with myself because I didn't express my sexual energy in a healthy and better way.

In this article, I’ll provide you 3 aspects of not jerking it: the benefits, the bastardisation of real connections and using the extra energy from not busting to put into your life.

(You've probably clicked on this article because you are interested in making a change in habit, or simply interested in what No Fap is. Eventually, with enough effort, you can reach a point where fapping and porn are no longer a part of your life.)

The Immediate Benefits

Feeling confident and high levels of self-esteem. Those two are probably the most significant benefits of doing no fap. Mixed with feeling confident and high self-esteem, you get to experience what it means to be a man.

This is a thought experiment, think of a girl you want to ask out. Do you believe her father would want a man for her daughter who is watching porn all day and jacking off to other woman? No. By abstaining from porn and jacking off, you can feel like you are worthy of receiving love and affection from other people. And others will believe the same as well. Because imagine you were a father wanting to look out for his daughter. You’d want a man who’s got his shit together and is not a loser.

That’s how I differentiate the men who are winners and losers: those who jack off or don’t. Why would you need to pleasure yourself when you are working towards your goals or a woman you could express your energy with? You have enough self-respect to not let yourself go down that path of degeneracy. Once you respect yourself: everyone will respect you.

Porn and jacking off must be the lowest return on investment in terms of time. You’ll spend half an hour thirsting over girls who don’t know you exist, then only to feel pleasure for a few second. With self-respect, you respect your time which is reflected by your actions.

This actually led to me asking a girl out on a date. From all that pent up desire to feel intimacy and wanting to see how far I can go with my confidence, I did it. From what I have observed, I am more confident and more inclined to take bolder action if I don’t fap. I remember I stopped jacking off for like a month, and during this, I was talking to a year 12ver when I was in year 11. I invited her out to a game at the chess club and had full intention to ask out on a date. After our game, and the bell rang, we were walking, and I nearly didn’t ask her.

But I stopped her, looked at her and said,

“This might sound forward, but I think you’re cute, and we should go on a date.”

I didn’t do it over text, or ask her friend to tell her like a coward, but in person like a man accepting the possibility of rejection. And by respecting myself to be a man, she respected my ability to be that confident and accepted the request.

These kinds of interactions; you could never get from the digital screen you put in front of yourself. The same can be said with the interactions I have with my friends and the people around me. I feel more social and open to conversation with people. I can be less focussed on myself and focus my attention to other people: what they have to say, how they feel. Then I also feel wittier and have a way with my words that can best articulate myself during conversation. This leads to my next point.

Bastardising Love And Intimacy

Porn and masturbation are the bastardisations of what we call love and intimacy. We have been pre-wired in our brains to crave these things as it leads to the reproduction of the species. Let's put it in the modern setting, though. If you’re watching porn and jacking off, then there is no real motivation to try to make a connection with a real woman. This is because you are already ‘connecting with multiple sexual partners and releasing from it. The subconscious already believes you have sexual partners, so it does not need to allocate energy to finding a partner in real life.

Now, with the power of the computer and the internet, pleasure is accessible and easy. Even though in a real-life scenario, it shouldn’t. The thing you carry in your pocket, the thing I’m currently holding in my hand, has the potential to access easy pleasure. For what our ancestors had to endure and fight for, that being a sexual partner, we can view more naked partners with a quick web search than they ever had in their lifetime.

Although we might know this, our subconscious may not. The one concept I try to get my head around is the conscious knows porn and jacking off are fake, but the subconscious doesn’t. I don’t have much information about it, but I can only assume because of our biological wiring and dopamine system.

More Power!

It's undeniable that rather than nutting and moping around for days, you get shit done. As for me, after doing it, I become tired and don’t feel like doing the hard work. Usually, this is also due to my self-loathing for failing. Then it just leads to a snowball of unproductivity. But if you can be disciplined enough, the amount of energy you can put into other stuff other than for your own self-pleasure is abundant.

But it is a skill and a discipline. I’m no saint. I get my urges from time to time like any other man. What I find is that it comes in waves. Out of nowhere, even the image of something sexually provocative will heighten my body's senses. Now, you could decide to expel that energy. For most of us, porn and jacking off come hand in hand. See what I did there? But, you could act despite it. We can channel it into other expressions without it feeling repressed. That sexual energy wants to be expressed: as either pleasure, productivity, creativity or another outlet.

If you get the hang of it, you will get to the point where you might get that rush of horniness through your body, and you will not associate it with porn or jacking off. You can experience and observe it without the need to release it through the body.

Many famous athletes, entrepreneurs, boxers who discussed not nutting for long periods to put that energy into their work and success. Napoleon Hill briefly discussed this in a chapter of his book Think and Grow Rich; briefly discussed this in a chapter about how this energy can be transmuted and expressed through other mediums rather than through the body or self-pleasure.

Like any other skill, no fap can be learnt and integrated. And do not feel bad if you have relapsed. You are still trying to unlearn the years of habit reinforcement that is of feeling horny, then going to the phone to look at porn and jack off. For most of us, we have been developing since we were 12. Which is fucking sad to think about.

Taking a note from Atomic Habits, change your identity. You will be more inclined to fulfil your moral obligation to be aligned with your identity. So, if your identity is “I don’t fap” rather than “I am on no fap”, you will be more successful. You will believe you aren’t a wanker, it will be out of character or not even in your character to fap.

I can attest to this advice because I notice is after I’ve gone for a two-week streak, then brag about it to my friends.

What do you think happens?

I relapse. By telling myself and others that I am on no fap, I then subconsciously believe I still jack off, with only longer breaks in between.

Don’t talk about it all the time. If you’re thinking about not doing something all the time, you’re more likely going to think about doing it.

A New Normal

Last remark on modernity. It seems a narrative is being perpetuated that for a man to be weak is ok or virtuously good.

When people say masturbating and watching porn is good, don’t believe them. The modern age wants you to be docile and harmless as a man. The better word is to be castrated as a men. Like, I remember getting sexual education talks in grade 10, and one of my friends who is also on no fap, I asked him if he can ask the nurse teaching the lesson if porn and masturbation was normal. He did, and she said yes. Between the both of us we knew it was bullshit. But how she said it was like didn’t care for the implications of believing porn and fapping was ‘normal’.

Another friend, who jacks off, has this saying, “the dosage makes the poison.” To a degree, I agree. Compare a guy who does it ever day to a guy who does it a few times a week, there might be a slight difference. But, you do not want to be a slave to your impulses; the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term pleasures. And jacking off is one of those activities where you will feel shit immediately after you ejaculate, thus you are worsening yourself by choosing your present self over your future self.

This concept is also called delayed gratification, which I believe is a vital skill to attain success. I cannot imagine successful men jacking off to porn. They are probably having real sexual intimacy with women.

And it cannot happen within a void. What do I mean by this? There are two routes of thinking: if you had nothing better to do, you fap. But if you are purely on no fap and don’t do anything with that extra energy, you will probably relapse. Do not obsess over no fap, or you will relapse

Exercise. Study. Go talk to a girl. Try and make a connection. Hang out with your mates. Work on that project you wanted to work on.

No fap will have done its job and disappear for good. No fap runs in the background of everyday life. It fuels your endeavours without it needing to be at the forefront of your consciousness.

It may perhaps be one of the most vital habits a man must develop to be successful in the era of distractions and pleasure.

If you like the article, you can check out the video version on my YouTube channel Denzil Duke.