What It's Like Being Mixed Race

If you don't know already, my father is Australian and my mother is Indonesian.

Having grown up with parents who didn't look the same wasn't that bad. I never experienced being torn between my two backgrounds. I see it more as a blessing.

The two different cultures provide me different angles and perspectives about life. There's aspects, from work ethic, finance and education, that I'll discuss that have personally affect me.

Identity Crisis

During my grade 11 Japanese study, we watched about Hafus (ハフ), Japanese people who were mixed race. There was a particular video we watched where some of them felt lost due to the different cultures they were a by-product of.

It was hard for me to empathise.

I've never experienced being confused between my two cultures. I see myself as an individual who has two different backgrounds, but not the reflections of them. Particularly with the Australian identity. Because of our immigration culture the idea of 'Australian' is more a set of ideas than inheritable characteristics.

I have formed my identity through an amalgamation of experiences and ideas from many outlets. Because it is not bound to one culture.

I do not feel out of place.

When I walk around in Australia, I do not feel out of place. When I walk around Indonesia, I do not feel out of place.

Truly, at a wider level, I am not Asian, nor Australian. I am Denzil. We could even go beyond who I truly am. (I'll save it for another article.)

Amongst mates, I drift calling myself Asian, half and Australia. The stereotypes you can play with are hilarious.

I also find it easy to relate to both Caucasians and Asians about their culture. Having grown up with the two, I understand the ideas that underpin each one.

I find it fun also to break to people I am half-Asian. My appearance does not hint at my Australian side (maybe except for the accent). It's funnier when I tell people my white Australian father is my actual father.

"At least, I think he's my son!"

Not A Tiger Mum

Parental Pressure

I have never been forced to play an instrument. It was by my own will: the cello and piano.

In my senior years, my mother would joke by pointing out the B's in my report cards. Everything else was A's apart from, you guessed it, English. It would be funnier because my younger brother would get Bs and my mother would congratulate him for it; especially when he got A+ in Mathematics: like a good Asian should!

And I have never been pressured to become a doctor, lawyer or engineer.

I would call that the immigrant parent's dream: move to another country to make something out of nothing and the children become successful in a professional career.

She tried asking as a joke. But I know I can become either of the careers, but my heart is set on making a lot of money.

Alcohol

What my mother has influenced me, with the approval of my father, is not drinking any alcohol. My father drinks, but he tells me not to start.

In Indonesia, there's not a large drinking culture as the majority of the population are Muslim and drinking alcohol is Haram (forbidden). For me, it's a matter of health and stopping the cycle of alcohol in my family.

From my Tasmanian trip in 2023, my aunty, my father's sister, said they have a history of drinking in the family. They all drank, and some heavy drinkers at that. She told a funny story that even my great grandmother had to have an ankle monitor in her nursing home because she would go out to the pub for a glass of white wine!

Then my mother tells of how expensive drinking is. This is speaking from the frugalness of the Asian culture. It does save your wallet not having to spend on alcohol.

Finances

When it comes to finances, the Asian influence carried over, even with our Australian father. Instead of dividing the wealth, we pool it together like a large mutual fund. My mother did the same, she worked a job as a desk receptionist at an island resort in Singapore. She'd send the money back home to Indonesia. Earning an income is a matter of supporting the whole family, not for yourself.

Also, her big goal is having three houses for her two sons. The Asians are thinking about the next generation. A home is security to raise a family and a stream of income through rent.

The Western way, from what I understand, is to fully separate the family from the finances: the parents and children have their finances split. They will pay separate rents, live in different houses, have separate cars.

(It's funny, my father says 'fuck that' about having your kids pay parents rent.)

Not A Bogan Dad

Having a Caucasian father with an Asian mother, there is balance.

Doing Your Best

There are some overlap in values between the two cultures. Effort is one of them.

My father's favourite phrase is 'do your best'.

When presented with opportunity: whether that is at work, in academics or other endeavours, to reap the full benefits is to do your best with it. My interests were in entrepreneurship, and I was supported for that: both of my parents.

I know the Western culture is characterised by laziness, but it never was like it before.

Both my parents are hard workers.

My father trained and learned hard during his younger years to become a fully qualified golf professional. And it's the pursuit of improving his game that drives him to play the game he loves.

My mother left her village to work in a different part of Asia to send money back home to support the family. Working three jobs at one point to support her family back in Australia.

Educating Yourself

And my father is able to separate himself from the general 'bogan' culture of Australia.

We use the word 'bule' from Bahasa Indonesia, meaning 'foreigner,' to describe the temporary Australian. H

is family are made up of lawyers, teachers, judges, doctors, nurses. You know... the professions that require some hard work.

His mother, my grandmother, puts focus in being educated, which he puts onto me as well.

Self-education is a choice.

You can choose to be literate. You can choose to be well-informed about current events. You can choose to use the correct speech when talking.

He puts focus on learning. That's one of the sure ways to get better at anything is learning. Whether that's at school, work, sports, games: there's a lesson to be learnt in everything. This has instilled the student mindset within me. To never stop learning.

Take The Meat And Spit Out The Bones

This isn't to say the two cultures do not have their problems.

The drinking culture of Australia is something I am not a part of. The vaping youth culture I am not a part of.

Forcing your kids to be doctors by against their own will I am not for. The pressure and over-protectionism of your children is not where I go for.

Biologically, I'm 50/50. Mindset wise...

The West has changed. The traditional West had strong values in hard work and self-improvement. It seems there is a cultural shift with that. Our social institutions are being hijacked by ideological agendas proving to make us weaker.

I reject it.

The hedonism of the West is slowly seeping into our culture. We place more emphasis on our pleasure and emotions rather than responsibility and meaning. A life without responsibility is a childish one.

So, the traditional West I stand for. The New West is going into a direction that will spell our downfall.

So, I'm more 60/40 in mindset.

I position myself to take full advantage of the strengths of my two cultures, whilst still proclaiming I am an individual who is not solely bound by their ideas.

If I become a reflection of culture, rather than a free-thinking individual who chooses what ideas to adopt and improve, I become an ideologue. A slave to dogma.