Perpetual State Of Not Wanting To Fuck Things Up

Care about the input. The output will take care of itself. – My Sales Manager

First couple of months working at my job, I'd drive with dread. The twenty minute commute, anxiety coursing through my heart as I grip the driving wheel.

Thinking to myself,

"Today is the day. Will I fuck it up?"

For more context, my job is being a retail salesperson. My biggest concern: not reaching sales budget.

It's been already seven months since I started. I haven't been fired yet. Nowadays, I have less dread.

But I do note, there is a bit of nervousness. Perhaps it's the performer inside of me? Like the moment before stepping on stage playing the cello.

It's a good thing. I derive the reasoning from a quote,

"Only the paranoid survive." – Patrick Bet David

It's better that I'm not relaxed, thinking I'll keep my job forever irregardless of my performance.

Relaxation brews complacency. And for an industry that involves performance, I do not want to be the salesperson who creates zero ROI.