If There Was One Thing I Crave, It's Freedom

December 2019, Tokyo, Japan.

My school went on a study tour to one of the most developed country in Asia.

For three years, I studied Japanese by my own will.

This opportunity was distilled by one word: freedom.

Although we were supervised by teachers, I felt free.

There was a particular moment that made me aware of this freedom.

When taking the trains, especially in Tokyo, it was crowded.

We were briefed that in case we were separated from our teachers, stop at our destination's train station.

This only happened once.

It was rush hour, and we lined up as the trains arrived.

Due to the overcrowding, only me and a handful of students got on the train, while our teachers stayed behind to wait for the next train.

They told us the name of the station to get off at; we were responsible for getting off.

No longer were we under the guise of our teachers, we became fully independent on when to get off.

While standing, hanging on the train's straps, patiently waiting for the station's name: it was the most memorable moments from my trip.

I tasted what my future will become: independence.

Even now when I take the bus home, I still get the taste of freedom knowing I can take care of myself.

What particularly makes me captivated are the students who were on the trip's longing to go back to Japan.

How much of it is actually to experience the place again, or to run away and be free from the shithole we call a town?

Although I don't mind where I live, I get that sense whenever talking about going back to Japan with those who went.

Adulthood: Remembering Our Childhood

There is still a part of me who is convinced that I might regret wanting for my adolescence to end and my young adulthood to start.

Through popular culture, there is this connotation most adults still crave for their youth.

To that I say, why not both?

One can still have their youthful vigor whilst still burdened with responsibility.

For if they remain in their childhood whilst progressing through life, they are running away from responsibility.

I believe that is the biggest distinction between a child and an adult: responsibility.

Age does not truly distinguish a child from an adult. There are children in adult bodies unwilling to accept it.

A life without responsibility is easier, yet, somewhat unfulfilling.

That is what I am looking forward to graduating to high school:

Taking full ownership of my life.

And with that, comes freedom.

It might seem trivial for there to be a relationship between responsibility and freedom. But the two go hand in hand.

Before someone is free, they must be willing to take charge of life.

There is no one to answer to except yourself with what and how you decide your actions.

Accepting that fact enables natural freedom.

There is so many things I want to do.

I feel at times it's the mandate of school that holds me back from living what life I want.

Truly, if given the choice, most of us wouldn't go to school.

If the high school courses weren't necessary to our university courses, we'd just skip the extra step and get down to working.

I don't know about you, but I know what I want to do after high school.

Having that knowledge becomes a burden as the high school must be a means to that end.

And that's only coming from me.

Some might go down the hedonistic path and not give a fuck about anything.

And I wouldn't call that freedom; it's being a slave to your natural impulses.

If you could drop out of high school, do drugs and alcohol, without affecting your ability to get a good job, most would do it.

Alas, what can I do to control other people's behaviour?

Going back to that story from Japan, craving freedom is just a natural by-product of living in your parent's household, being stuck in high school, having to answer to authority constantly.

Being in a whole different country is the biggest contrast you can get from what life is back at home.

A freedom to explore and experience the world for what it is.

That's why so many people take gap years just after they graduate.

They have been shackled for nearly all their life, they finally have the chance to be free do whatever the fuck they want.

I can't fucking wait to be free.