I Sucked At High School English

No, English is not my second language.

For the longest time in high school it was the only subject that got away from getting an A in.

I'd like to think I put my all into the subject, but I still get frustrated  when I see that letter 'B'.

"Denzil, you should be grateful for receiving a B! I only get C's."

I sure am grateful, but it doesn't help if the rest of your subjects stand at A's.

Even with that gratefulness, I still have a bit of resentment.

There is just something about the English curriculum that creates an almost universal hate by students.

We find it boring. We find it useless. "I can speak the language so why do I need to learn it?"

In its defence, there is a difference learning a language for everyday communication and learning a language for analysing meaning within it.

Yet, the same English teachers we are taught by were likely inspired when they were students to take up teaching the subject.

It seems plausible that there are people who enjoy the subject.

Most of us plebs see it as just a means for an end: graduating.

Even while I write this, I am meant to be reading part two of 'Fahrenheit 451'.

(But I will say it is an enjoyable read.)

Why Do I Suck at It?

Some might think its poetic that for an Asian to have their marks in English as B's.

I've always interpreted that an A is a matter of a student fully understanding the course's content and being able to apply it.

Going off by that definition, what do I not understand of the subject?

I can tell you I sometimes struggle with tenses.

For the most part, I write my sentences as if I was saying them out loud in a conversation.

Writing and talking are two very different mediums of communicating.

In conversation, your tenses can be overlooked as the general meaning can be interpreted understandably.

Then you don't have to worry about grammar, spelling and punctuation as your pacing, internation and pitch helps in that regard.

I also find it useful writing weekly for the website and scripts for videos.

Writing is just like any skill, it can be improved.

Another aspect of sucking at the subject is having no real passion for it.

"Well Denzil. If you're writing each week, you must have some passion?"

A passion for writing, it's coincidental that the English subject asks for that skill as well.

Truly, I just want to an A for my final year in English.

I don't know if it is possible without true passion.

For the rest of my subjects, I do enjoy them and want to continually improve.

I just see English now as a challenge for if I can achieve a result I have never been able to before.

Because, from what I understand, not caring for a subject is what leads to worse grades.

What should incline you to work your arse off if you don't care?

And it seems the most incentives for working hard is a grade.

That's it.

A grade determined by what curriculum determines is of high standard.

That mentality for disregarding the curriculum has got me the A's, except for English.

I'm not performing at a point where I will achieve an A without looking at the criteria.

And it's not as if I have no understanding of the content that makes me suck at the subject.

My apathy is my downfall.

(Even though this isn't going to matter in a few years time.)

Comparing Subjects

If given the choice, most students would choose another subject over English.

The most similar subject that I could compare it to is Art.

Literature in itself is a form of creative expression: like art, music, dance, drama.

If given the chance, I would put English under the category of Creative Arts as while it can be academic.

As I've spent three years doing art, I can see the similarities.

Unlike English, the finished product is made by lines, colours, shapes and texture. Instead of this medium, texts take the medium of words.

Using words is the same as how an artist manipulates their work.

An author must carefully consider how they position the reader in its story, as the same for an artist positioning its viewer.

Meaning is created by the arrangement of words, meaning is also arranged with the elements of art.

In the same subject, it was not all about creating art pieces.

In fact, we did art analyses and artist statements that required the use of words.

The beauty of art and words is there is a collective agreeance for the specific meanings of elements, but every interpretation will be different.

It's that aspect of English that somewhat motivates me to continue doing the work.

But I found in Art it was more enjoyable even though essentially being the same thing.

Why?

Most of the activities done in Art, leading up to our assessment, involved us looking at an art piece then interpreting. It's those moments that made me want to find the meaning within the piece.

Is interpreting a visual piece of work more enjoyable than interpreting words?

I don't know. Perhaps?

I feel at times in English when shown a literary device: metaphor, simile, tricolon etc, the direct cause and effect is not obvious.

We must assume that the device achieved its desired meaning and the reader is affected directly by it.

When reading fiction or non-fiction, we are usually not conscious about the deeper meanings or effects it has on us.

After reading a book, the thought of,

"Huh. They effectively used that literary device..." does not arise.

It's the same for art.

Either we view the work attempting to piece the meanings together, or be superficial about and not attempt to do so at all.

Depending on the reader, they might not take the role as a conscious interpreter of meaning but as an unconscious experiencer of the story.

How can you be an unconscious experiencer of the story?

Words demand our fullest attention.

Reading is listening to the author's creative expression.

That's one thing that both English and Art has taught me,

"Don't be surface level about the meaning of each creative achievement."

A Solution To The Problem?

Then what would fully make myself invested in English as a subject?

I believe the lack of choice for reading material or topics is what holds the subject back.

(You could argue the same for every other subject.)

Not everyone will enjoy the same book. Not everyone will enjoy the same play. Not everyone will enjoy the same topic.

It's very hard to do the work when it is something you don't enjoy or hate.

This disenjoyment formulates into boredom, then becomes unproductivity.

It doesn't particularly help when analysing a piece of literature that attempts to be deep in its meaning but wrong in its criticism of society.

(I'm looking at you 'Drover's Wife'.)

Then you're stuck in a conundrum.

"I should stop doing my best because I do not enjoy this. Yet, if I don't do my best then I will receive a bad mark."

Is this what we should be taught?

That we must force ourselves to do something we hate as a means of succeeding?

This isn't just in English, you could extend further to the education system as a whole.

For most of us, high school is just a means to an end.

We want to graduate as soon as we can so we can finally start studying and doing the things we actually enjoy.

English is one of the two core subjects.

Tere is no possibility of escaping the inevitability of doing the subject.