How To Become Interesting
Do you think you're boring?
This is not meant to be an article telling you the specific activities that will create intrigue or mystery surrounding your character.
Truly, becoming interesting is a side effect of a greater attribute: authenticity.
Having learnt about personal branding, to become an interesting person, the goal is not to be captivating.
Being interesting is simply the side effect of being yourself.
It's not by putting up a facade, or a character.
But by fully exploring our individuality, developing a 'why' to why we do specific activities, actions, and personality traits:
Thus, people will want to figure you out.
Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin
Protecting Ourselves From Rejection
We've encountered people who seemed disingenuous, putting up a mask to the those around them.
It's the rejection from others that creates the fear we will be outcasted or lonely. So, as a solution, we appeal to other people's egos and their approval rather than our own.
The idea of peeling away the mask instils the belief that those who previously liked us no longer will. We have constructed a version of ourselves that is insecure and projects a false reality unto others.
For what is reality?
Well, simply our own perception of it.
(True reality is separate to what you perceive. However, attempt to align your perception and what it actually is.)
If that perception, be negative or positive, reality is a reflection of that perception.
However, if we are uncomfortable with exercising our individuality, we begin to lie.
Instinctively as humans, we can feel when someone is putting up a false version of themselves.
Whether it be their tone of voice, their facial expression, choice of words.
Why are we repulsed by that?
Lying indicates future behaviour, (you've guessed it) more lying.
If I cannot interact with the real you, how can I construct a solid understanding of something that is not grounded in truth?
The other side of the coin is not being polarising enough. Always sitting on the fence.
(As a classmate once described it, "Being a wet towel".)
These are the people who don't have much going for them.
Rather than acting as a force in the universe, they are acted upon.
Again, this is out of fear for how people would react to the real you.
Instead, we take no stance on anything. We do not have any motives or goals, for that will attract judgement and disapproval from others.
Then, having identified the two forms of deception, how do we become comfortable with ourselves?
I don't know exactly 'how'. But, it must involve genuinely putting your own approval above others[1]. Reflection, journaling, and a combination of doing stuff that you actually give a fuck about.
Want to start that YouTube channel? Start up that really niche hobby? Change your haircut? Try a new style of clothing? Take up a new sport?
I don't care!
How many of these interests are stopped by your desire for validation of other people's approval?
That is 'how'.
Pushing through the uncomfortable-ness of disapproval of others, but genuinely enjoying what you like doing.
Just because you say "I don't care what they think" is not enough. There was a student in my cohort who tried embodying this. I had the feeling she still wanted approval, whilst going outside the social bounds. Then, it became a victim cycle of "why don't people like me?", then saying/doing stuff that makes them generally dislike them.
My point is be different, be you, but understand the rules of the game, first, before you want to break 'em. Understand when you need to fit in, and when you don't. It's one thing being disliked by some, but it's different when it's nearly everyone. ↩︎
Where Is The Interest Generated?
When you meet someone, your brain attempts to compartmentalise (knowing they're a complex being like yourself) and understand them.
Where interest is generated is acting outside of the box people have put you in.
The best example is, well, one's self.
Have you thought,
"Why am I the way I am?"
The likelihood of this question having an articulated answer is low. There are a myriad of factors we can account for.
(In a Scientific sense, it would be difficult to conduct an experiment determining what variables and conditions that would create an exact copy of yourself. Perhaps, the closest thing is experimenting on twins?)
Also with the understanding that the past cannot predict the future, nor should it determine your present.
I can only guess and be somewhere close to the truth, but never be exact.
(After being exposed to Patrick Bet-David's reflection questions from his book Your Next Five Moves, it got me to think about why I am the way I am. )
But with some bias, we believe we can 'work people out' like an equation.
Thus, unpredictability is where the most interest is generated.
As an example, put me in the box of 'Asian' or an 'A student'.
At first glance, you could guess that academics would be important. Or, my Asian background would explain my high marks.
After all, I was in the top 4% of students who chose the university route in high school.
However, I chose not to go to university.
"Why?"
The answer to 'why', "Why aren't you how I explained/predicted you to be?" is where the interest is generated.
It's the story for why you do particular things that compels people to try and understand you: cause and effect.
The attempt to understand is a pursuit, almost playful in a sense.
What is the reward, then?
A feeling of understanding, the same feeling you'd get being stuck on a Math problem, to then clearly see a solution.
So, How Do We Become Unpredictable?
If you aim to be unpredictable, that's already too predictable.
You will be put into a box:
"You're chaotic without any sense of order. I do not need to figure you out."
However, simply being our most authentic self is the path forward.
It's being the version of you that doesn't yield to the expectations of those around you.
It's the version of you who puts his approval above others.
This idea of subverting people's expectations falls under a personal branding.
Particularly when on social media.
Naval Ravikant would mention this: no one can compete with you because your individuality will make you stand out from the crowd.
Alex Hormozi also mentions 'stereotypes' within the personal branding space.
If you're going to start an Instagram page that has pictures of you smoking cigars, a $100,000 watch in a Mercedes-Benz, while giving out financial or real estate advice, you have become too predictable.
People will dismiss you for being just another 'financial bro' and won't continue to consume your content because they have already 'figured you out'.
The same could be said in real life.
So, I assure you, your experiences, how you think, your hobbies and interests are uniquely yours.
Push through the uncomfortableness of judgement, and learn to be comfortable being yourself.
Do not be someone else.
Do not fit into a category.
Simply, be you.
BONUS: What About First Impressions?
I never considered first impressions as a part of the equation when writing this article. Only until a friend answered when I asked about this topic.
Taking that into account, someone's first initial thoughts become a reference when constructing their mental image of you.
The contrast of how they think of you, to what you present as evidence of your true personality is another factor in generating interest.
A reason I don't place high importance on first impressions is it's surface level when telling one's story.
Of course, it's still very important when presenting yourself with others.
It's a learnt skill knowing what clothes, accessories, haircuts and what looks good on you.
However, I think if you focus on authenticity, while having an eye for fashion, a natural consequence will be a good impression and being a well-rounded individual.