Confessions Of A High School Musician
Have you wondered what it's like learning a musical instrument in high school?
Wonder what happens during the half an hour your class mates are away?
If you don't know, I played cello during high school. Although I also played piano, in this article, I'll discuss the cello.
Practice Sucks
From Grade 4 - 10, I would do the bare minimum when it came to my practice.
My best routine was practising half an hour the day before orchestra and my cello lesson.
It's a terrible perpetual state of torture. You're being rightfully lectured by your conductor (who is also your cello teacher) on having to practice more if you want to get better.
Feeling the guilt for the whole day, only to go back home and not practice for another six days and doing it all over again.
So, what happened during Grade 11 - 12?
I got good.
Not to the level of playing for the state or the top high school orchestra good. But, good enough that I felt confident rocking up to rehearsals and lessons.
Okay Denzil, so what happened between sucking and not sucking?
I've identified it has to do with feedback loops. Because I eventually could tell that I was getting better, it gave me the feedback to keep practising.
In the beginning, you won't know that you're getting better. Or the very least it's very difficult to tell.
(The same level of difficulty of trying to tune my cello. I'm turning pegs and fine tuners not actually knowing what the fuck I'm doing)
So, from Grade 4 - 10, I stuck it through. My first instrumental teacher mentioned in Grade 8 she could see in my eyes nearly wanting to quit.
"Then, why did you stick with it?"
Personally, I think there's a bit of shame because of the time and investment your teacher puts into you. Then, quitting is ultimately saying,
"I don't want to wait for the toils of my labour to be fruitful."
And you're saying this to someone who has gone through the sucky period of practice.
Thinking about it, I never asked how to tackle this problem with my instrumental teacher. Or, how they got through that chapter in their instrumental playing.
"Practise more," you'd assume their answer be. Or, you felt shame that you're being a little bitch that doesn't want to practice and are making excuses.
What I probably wanted is reassurance that what I was experiencing was common.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. To think I can practise 30 minutes a week and get better. No, not at all.
Then the question is raised,
Should children be forced to practice?
I didn't understand how to practice or the purpose of it. During primary school, you're just hoping to get the notes to sound right. Not even considering the musicality and tone of the music itself.
Could the transition during adolescence have helped me understand the trade I must make in order to get better at any endeavour? The present for the future?
If a small child cannot comprehend such a concept, is the task of practice impossible? Punishment is not enough. You will slowly resent the instrument you play, until the day comes where you escape from the shackles of shame and anger.
Again, to suck at anything in the beginning is what you're signing up for. So, do you let the child suffer? Or provide the suffering as an opportunity for her to voluntarily adopt the responsible of skill progression and playing in a collective group?
For it was my own will to pick up the cello. My choice to stick with the pain of being bad at it.
Only, to eventually reap the fruits of my labour.
The Primary School Tour
Our conductor, who is also a strings teacher for other primary schools, gave the orchestra the opportunity to tour multiple schools to showcase our music.
It wasn't to whole school assemblies. It was to the students undertaking a string instrument between age 9-12 years old.
What I got from that experience is sharing the gift of music, and being an inspiration for the upcoming musicians. They got star struck seeing high school students play music at a high level.
Also, part of the experience was the orchestra members playing amongst some of the primary school students.
I imagine myself back at that age. I'd be utterly terrified, knowing I wasn't good enough to be playing with the older kids.
But, being able to help them out. Without having expectation to play at a high school level of playing— it brought me joy.
Again, enjoying the shared experience of music.
Did You Miss Much?
Amongst my friend group, they're not really musicians. Not the kind you'd find hanging out in our school's Creative Arts Academy.
And like some of them, you might thinking you missed the opportunity to learn an instrument.
There's no such thing as being too late.
Of course, if you're setting the highly unrealistic goal to be a virtuoso, and have not conducted the necessary training from childhood, then yeah.
However, the age of when you do something should not stop you from doing it at all.
To some extent, perhaps the marketing around learning an instrument could have been better? Why learn an instrument at all?
I think at the most fundamental level, it's to provide a domain of developing competency for sake of music itself.
You might then ask,
"Why do you play cello?"
Back in high school, I think I would have told you,
"There's something about the sound of the cello."
Yes, partly the unique tone of the cello is what draws me to play it. However, it just is.
I started playing in Grade 4 after being inspired by other classmates who played instruments, and managed to not quit. My story has no grandiosity for why I pursued the instrument.
(Perhaps it's the same for the other instrumental music students. I cannot speak for them)
We kept playing an instrument we liked the sound of.
PS This article was perhaps the speech I wanted to give during our Musicians' Farewell.
At my high school, we said goodbye to our graduating instrumental players by holding a concert and awards ceremony.
At that time, I was the Creative Arts Captain. What was a shame is not having the opportunity to provide a speech about our stories of the instrumental program.
Years before, the Captains would give their final remark.