3 Ways To Stop Being Afraid Of Talking To Strangers
My YouTube channel has achieved over 25K watch my videos, but I still hated ordering fast food, asking questions to store clerks and picking up my phone from an unknown number.
What is the internet equivalent of talking on stage in front of people, I couldn't even talk to ONE person.
Now, I...
- No longer repeat my food order in my head.
- Hesitate less to ask employees questions at the store.
- Pick up the phone immediately, no matter the number.
If you don't know me, my name is Denzil Duke. I graduated high school two years ago and am currently aspiring to be a digital marketing assistant. I also learn piano and Japanese on the side.
I discuss topics like social skills with the intention that it'll help you as a person and in your career.
And, this article is a reminder to my younger self that,
If I want things in life, you better know how to talk to people.
So, here are 3 ideas that I've taken to get better at talking to strangers and people in general.
#1: Work A Retail Job
A little more background about myself, during high school I only worked as a buggy attendant at a golf club.
The job didn't require the need to talk to people. And, I was very comfortable being in my own bubble driving and cleaning golf buggies.
After I graduated from high school, I had the opportunity from my father's friend to work at a national golf retail shop.
As at the time, I wanted to get into sales, knowing it was a valuable skill to have.
From, 'not talking to anyone' to 'my job is talking to strangers': I was absolutely terrified.
Now knowing what I know. To start, retail is fantastic for developing the basics of interacting with other humans.
You are getting paid to learn how to talk to people. And if there was a skill you wanted to get good at, or a fear you wanted to overcome, wouldn't it be fantastic to have it literally be your job?
It's one thing to greet customers like order taking, but it's another where your sole job is asking questions and guiding the customer through a sales process.
For example, as a golf retail assistant, these were the sort of questions I would ask about golf shoes:
"How are you? Looking at shoes? What shoes are you currently using? Spike or spikeless? Which style? What size do you think you are? "
You learn how to get someone engaged in the sales conversation. You learn to build rapport. You learn to listen and guide the conversation to make an informed decision.
Of course, like anyone who has never done retail, I was terribly nervous stepping someone through the sales process.
After doing enough repetitions, I was comfortable enough to hold my own, even with my limited knowledge about golf.
The added benefit of being a retail employee is understanding your role in the perspective as a customer.
Like I said before, as a kid I hated ordering stuff by myself.
Now, being on the receiving end of people asking questions and answering them, that fear is gone.
To wrap up the first point:
Getting a retail job is a two-for-one deal: learn how to talk to people, and destroy your fear of talking to store clerks.
Because guess what? You ARE one now.
#2: Get Over The Phone Work
I hated picking up the phone from an unknown number or stranger.
I'd let it ring out, waiting for the voicemail to hear who it was. Even then, I'd still hesitate with my heart beating out of my chest dialling the message bank.
That was, until I got a job taking phone calls and picking up the phone for job interviews.
It's a 2-for-1 bonus if you manage to get a job where you do step one, getting a retail job, while needing to pick up a phone.
A tip that I get from my Dad when you're picking up the phone at a retail or service job is thanking the caller for calling.
"Thank you for calling. This is Denzil."
What are you going to do, let it ring out?
You're forced to pick the phone up, because it's your JOB.
Do you want to lose it over the fact you can't pick up the phone?
And like point 1, after doing 100 or 1000 reps, my fear dissipated because I knew what I was doing and it became intuitive.
Even when in public or at home, I can pick up on the first ring,
"Hello, this is Denzil."
Before moving onto the next point,
If you can get the opportunity to do over the phone work, take it and lean into the fear of talking over the phone. Eventually, it will become like second nature.
#3: Smile And Look People In The Eye When Talking To Them
I used to never smile with anyone I interacted with outside of family, friends or school. I believed every stranger in public was judging me.
Now, having worked as a store clerk, no one really gives a shit.
To illustrate this, I'm going to tell a story that my old self would have hated.
So, a month ago, I went to Brisbane to see my mates.
We were on the train and I leaned against the carriage walls. Then, the announcer's voice started talking on a speaker .
He kept saying,
"Hello? Can I help you?"
Everyone around us slowly became silent and looked in our direction.
Without realising it, I accidentally pressed the disability button for people who needed assistance.
The old me would have probably folded and died from embarrassment. Confidently, without taking myself too seriously, I said,
"Sorry mate. I think I accidentally pressed the button."
He said,
"Ok, try not to press it next time."
"Ok, thank you."
I think my friend got second-hand embarrassment. But, knowing everyone on that train just witnessed me having that awkward interaction, I just smiled and laughed at myself.
Nowadays, I make it an effort to smile and be more positive in social interactions. Even in ones as embarrassing as that one.
Because, if a person can see from your body language and the way you speak that you're a positive person, they will reciprocate that energy.
Most importantly, just being genuine to other people. If you're comfortable in your own skin, people will be as well.
That's called confidence. And that's where the part about looking in the eye comes in.
I used to be very timid because I wasn't comfortable. After having more positive interactions with more people, I've created a mountain of evidence to say,
"If I'm positive, smile, and friendly, I have nothing to fear if I look directly at them."
Also, looking people in the eye signals you acknowledge them as a person. Not some voice you don't want to direct your attention to.
To summarise,
Show you value people by smiling and directing your attention by looking them in the eye. Being a positive person to interact with.
The Final Take Away
How do the best swimmers practise?
They swim...
And the same with your social skill, putting yourself in more situations where you have to talk.
Even a simple hello, how are you, a smile to someone walking past.
To go over the three ways again:
- Work A Retail Job
- Work Over The Phone
- Smile And Look People In The Eye (Be Positive In General)
Those three things has probably contributed to my confidence in talking to strangers.
Want More?
And if you're thinking of improving your social skills, come join my community here.
You can ask me questions, interact with other like-minded people and ultimately learn.