3 Stages Of The Self-Improvement Space

I've made some observations regarding one's self improvement journey.

Particularly, with myself.

Read this if you've spent a long time consuming self-improvement content on YouTube. Because, the 3 stages I've identified I think everyone eventually goes through.

Stage 1: Idolisation Of Your Favourite Self-Improvement Influencer

I have done this with a number of figures:

Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder, Mark Manson, Andrew Tate, Hamza.

I would recite their ideas to those around me. I thought because I agreed with their ideas, I must follow every word of theirs.

This led to arguments, disagreements and generally large polarisation for things I was emotionally invested in, but not genuinely believe.

The evidence of other people's experience, to lead them to make their conclusions, affected the conclusions I would make.

Essentially, I was possessed by the ideas, and I was acting as an ideologue rather than a free thinking individual.

In order to be like them, to achieve the same success they have achieved, I must become them. To think this now, is wrong.

There is only one you. Your experience and knowledge will personally influence only you.

Yes, call it bias.

However, use your experience and knowledge as evidence. It may not be empirical evidence per se, but you'll know.

Stage 2: Going Your Own Way

After reading The Almanack Of Naval Ravikant, the concept of being a unique product stuck with me.

(And I'm not talking objectification, either.)

There is only one you. No one compete on being you.

If you look at companies like Google, Apple, Facebook, Amazon, the reason they have monopolies in their chosen industries is because they are one of a kind product.

(I'm taking this concept from Zero To One)

Shifting the focus back on you, the unique experiences, lessons and characteristics: no one can copy it.

And, they cannot be a better version of you, simply because someone cannot be a carbon copy.

Rather than trying to be like your idols or people you look up to, just be you.

Yes, apply the lessons they have taught. But, don't aspire to be exactly like them.

Because, you have a better product than the one they're selling, and its you.

Better when you lean into your quirks and weirdness.

In this phase, you leave the comfort zone of mental masturbation, and put theory to the test.

Because, what if it doesn't work for you?

Is it because you haven't put enough reps, or the time?

Your favourite YouTuber says its true, but, is it though?

"Don't take my word for it."

Alex Hormozi will say this in his books, packed with value about business and entrepreneurship, he still wants you to be skeptical and try his ideas for yourself.

It's no good being an ideologue to ideas that do not bear fruit.

That's being inauthentic and satisfying dogma.

I think of Andrew Tate, joining his The Real World.

Thinking that it was my golden ticket to becoming a millionaire.

Then, taking the words of Luke Belmar saying most millionaires have grey hairs.

Alex Hormozi, saying the point of the game is to keep playing, not for the sake of money itself.

And, I feel bad for the ones trapped in that space that get called being 'weak' to carve their own path and shamed for it.

Instead of trying to drop ship and be a crypto bro, I'm trying to get the experience to get good at a skill that will pay dividends later on.

Tate utilises a powerful psychological tool (arguably Hamza too):

The Us vs Them Bias

Are you with us, or with them?

How about rejecting both sides, and coming to your own conclusion?

You cannot speak of the road that you have not taken yet.

Just because someone says it, doesn't mean its true. That's the concept of Pathos by Aristotles, the appeal to authority.

Shit, I might be wrong.

If it works for Tate, it works for Tate.

But what matter is, does it work for you?

Your life circumstances are different to the person you look up to.

Like, you want their success without the work they've put in.

It's how much you're willing to sacrifice for the success you want.

Stage 3: Respecting Them As Just Human Beings

No one is right all the time.

The people you will previously aspired to be, you now respect the work and experience they have done.

You now are not trying to be them.

You are taking their words and wisdom; trying it out for yourself than for face value.

You now say, "works for me" rather than "it is the way".

You do not need to live up to their expectations. You set them for yourself.

As Miyamoto Musashi once said,

"There are many paths up the mountain."

I see them as people who are ahead in the journey of entrepreneurship.

They are not better at being a human than me.

Actually, that's a dumb concept in general.

He may be strong in finances, but what of his family and social life.

Thus, going your own way, you get to figure out what success means to YOU.

Because if you let someone else dictate those expectations you set for yourself, you become a slave to their approval.

Being A Lone Wolf

You do not need to cut off your friends to be on self-improvement.

How I see it, if you are continually levelling yourself up, you will naturally acquire better friends.

Because, with excellence, comes a lower tolerance for incompetence and lack of excellence.

You might argue, "if I'm going to lose my friends eventually, I might as well lose them now."

There might be the off chance that the friends you have now will cheer you on.

The best kind of friends, are the ones who cheer behind your back.

Who feel the pain of loss as you do.

Who will celebrate success as you do.